pronouns are bullshit

One of my favourite online retailers, SSENSE, is always attempting to sell me perpetually sold out KENZO sweaters and closer to god Giuseppe pumps. I need to strut on Queen between Spadina and Ossington donning said pieces. I mean, I wouldn't actually purchase a Kenzo sweater because of its ubiquity, but in the event that one magically appears on my steps, then yes, I'll fucking wear it.

I've been involved in a lot of discourse (okay, only two in the last year, but still) lately about Mykki Blanco, who is a gay male black rapper spitting rhymes about gulping Ciroc and being a dick rider 4 lyfe. The man likes cock. Girlfriend detests pronouns because we obviously don't need to define ourselves and labels are shit because everything is fluid, even your love for your dog that just shit on your favourite Manolo's.

You can read the endearing interview here while concurrently shopping and putting a lot of Givenchy in your shopping bag. I also totally relate to his never ending broke-as-shit life.

Photo: SSENSE

and there we met

Met Gala! Met Gala! Who let perpetually bullied Kim K. in? Oh, of course, it's about who you know and not what you know. I would fuck Kanye to go to the Met. JK! Selling your soul is a bargain to be surrounded by Miley's literal punk ensemble and did you see that head piece Sarah Jessica Parker donned? Was it a bird? Militant armoury? Again, a bird, but alive? How much did it weigh and does it have its own Twitter handle yet?

The most important—and obvs unbiased—getup was by yours truly, Ashley Olsen. Doesn't she remind you of an orange creamsicle? Maybe the fox engulfing the world of the Firefox icon? Look at those assuming pink Manolos gracing the freshley vacuumed red carpet. Hopefully they used Dyson.

boy girl, boy

Welcome to a new segment where I break the divide between mens and women's clothing. I call it: Fuck Gender Constructed Textiles. Hey brother, I know you really want to wear McQueen's beehive dress and you totally should and you'll probably look fabulous. Hey gurl, I know it is already safe for you to don a suit, board shorts and even a baseball tee without any context being insinuated on your sexuality. However, if you wear ill-fitted mens clothing then you might be called a U-Haul lesbian, but if you wear a skin tight Versus dress then you might be asking for rape. Either way, women are fucked and we men are fucked too.

I've chosen this adorably cute and slightly oversized sweatshirt by the youthful Pierre Balmain. I played it a little safe for this first post and this sweatshirt doesn't break too much of a divide, but only by the fact that it is located in the women's department. Next time I'll choose a pair of Alaia pumps because we all know Cher put it on the map. We all need to exercise our manly soccer kicking calves. Instead of that chic pleated perforated skirt, I would probably insert a pair of simple and basic blue shorts. Boring, I know. But spice it up with a pair of tan oxfords and you're set to hit the library or a pussy riot.

I choose the latter.

Photo: SSENSE

staring into nothing, nothing

The last gay novel I read, or book of essays rather, was a discussion about why faggots loathe and discriminate against one another. That book was shit and I'm back to analyzing gay culture. Jorts and tanks and plenty of water based lube! My daily visit to Mr Porter searching for the perfect pair of slippers swayed me in a direction that I was unprepared to handle.

Swoon.

Que Max Wallis who is a young British poet, is gay (and so darn cute) and wants to sell you a reasonably priced Raf Simmons sweatshirt for your spring wardrobe. All we men really want to do is stare into an abyss and ponder our existential life looking trendy and shit.

giving birth

Do you remember when lunch breaks were just lunch breaks-cum-smoke breaks? I left work to grab lunch with a friend only to be stopped by a photographer who works for a blog. I gladly accepted his offer. I was envisioning Abbey Lee Kershaw via Gucci Floral campaign or Raquel Zimmerman for Alexander McQueen. I was at that apex of my professionalism that my $9.99 vintage shoes deserve.

We went on to some Q&A and I totally should have said some real bullshit, but I went with the truth. I should have created some rad pseudonym like Fern or Peach. My occupation should have been Kill Bill's Gogo Yubari or a hot yoga teacher preaching kale and loose leaf tea. My worst fucking response of all was how I  stated my style: casual with a twist. Such a pre-pubescent response. I just need some debriefing and clarification of this childlike answer. I do categorize my style in the casual department, but I feel casual doesn't justify my cuffed denim, my oversize jumper and my vintage jacket, yah know?

I like to garner inspiration from Leandra Medine to Alexa Chung to Morgan Jones (my muse). I don't want to be one of those pretentious bastards describing their style as undefined because you're so abstract, you douche bag.

Coachella-ella-ella-eh-eh in Canada I stay.

Photo: BlogTO

35mm

Manifesting Solange will only set you back $20 and an hour of your time. Picked up the latest issue of Fader to see Vampire Weekend on the cover and only to realize Solange in a Carven skirt on the other side. Getting real exposure on my coffee table and flipped by many friends that overstayed their welcome.

Did anybody see Bey snoop through Solange's closet prior to her Cuba trip?

Managed to convince my father to bequeath his 35mm film SLR to me. Middle aged people think digital cameras are cool when really, dad, the 90's are back.

i need a derivative of mr. porter, but with more designers

I have this elitist friend/soon-to-be-roommate perpetually conversing his love for Japan. This recent expat was smitten with all things Comme des Garcon, etc, etc. Elitist right, etc. I'm not well aware of Japan's designers, okay, maybe a few. What comes to mind is said designers Rei, Yohji Yamamoto, Tadashi Sohji and Junya Watanabe. I want to visit SSENSE and purchase something with polka dots.

Look at those legs. Panthering better than Karlie Kloss.

I've been meaning to incorporate floral and paisley into my wardrobe many seasons now and I haven't quite found the right pieces. But really, I just want the floral pieces. Zara are you with me on this trend? I want floral prints with more than basic cuts, preferably of the oversized scoop neck tee variety.

The option to travel to Japan to purchase some Phenomenon is looking pretty dim. With the lyrics of Gwen Stefani: "they're hard to find in the States, got me feeling couture."