Friday, July 18, 2014
The other, other day, I biked to a few home decor shops because I was in dire need of shower curtains to remedy my super dull bathroom from being on The World's Most Mundane Bathroom list. I browsed, I used my judgment and have come to terms that tasteful shower curtains are really, really hard to come by.
After about 20 minutes of cruising the aisles, because I am that quick of a shopper and found nothing, I went outside to unlock my bicyclette only to be confounded by the fact that my handle bars have been stolen from my bike. I empathized with my bike the way you would empathize with the loss of a dying house plant. I was super fucking livid.
Most recently, a phenomenon similar to normcore or being basic, the general discourse between friends, coworkers, and eavesdropping other conversations on the patio, the word, super, is being used quite liberally like a trend. Applied in a sentence once is fine. There's emphasis that you had an amazing time in Morocco and I didn't, I super get it. However, the overuse of a single word multiple times lacks emphasis like how one should scarcely use italics.
For example, when critiquing Christopher Kane's men's spring 2015 collection, to put it literally, his collection was super cool, super colourful, super geometric and super street style ready. The credibility got displaced somewhere between super colourful and the fact that I'm not an authoritative critic, relative to Suzy Menkes.
Or am I?
Like obvs, totes and LOL slowly being filtered out of our discourse, so too, will super and be replaced by some other banal adjective.
Photo: Jak and Jil
Thursday, July 17, 2014
There's something palpable about a high-low collaboration that makes me want to pull out my debit card with about less than $62 credit and put a down payment on these sneakers on layaway. Do companies -- small and large -- still do layaway?
I can, to some degree, promise a bi-weekly payment of $17.
I'm going to be frank, there are really cute baristas in this coffee shop right now (RSquared). What I'm really trying to be frank at, is that, am I the only person who didn't know about the first white collaboration? Okay, revoke my street cred because I had none to begin with anyways.
Ricardo Tisci, purveyor of t-shirts with aggressive and non-aggressive animals, will be releasing his second collection of Nike
Lets talk commodity, because why not. Economically speaking, commodity is created to satisfy the needs and wants of consumers. Sociologically speaking, bloggers, designers, influentials, etc are creating this fallacy of yearning and they're doing a damn good fucking job at commodity fetishism. Tisci collaborates with Nike -- meets the demands of Kanye fans. Relative to other collaborations, lets say for example, Rick Owens x Adidas, his shoes are setting you back a few hundred, where as Tisci x Nike are setting you back no more than $300.
The value of a product is quite arbitrary, but not really. In terms of design, the Tisci x Nike design is skewed towards the Nike aesthetic and the Owens x Adidas design is leaning towards team Owens. Both are high-low collaborations and both are designed to be skewed at either one end of the spectrum.
The question is: who do you want your consumer to be?
Sunday, July 13, 2014
There's a new amalgamation in the air and it's not about Alexander Wang x H&M. Nope. This one is the worst. Like, yuppie worst. No. More like, super fucking disgusting that someone had to coin a term for it worst. It's almost similar to finding out that your best friend is a republican supporting anti-gayness.
What happens when you combine physical activity, paid sex and your choosing of sexual identity?
Something like a convoluted "spornosexual" sounds genuinely appropriate. Essentially, it's a male who enjoys sports and porn and what I like to call the Modern Day Narcissistic Normie Bro living in Liberty Village with access to social media who's easily manipulated by corporations.
(It's important to note that these men are not gay, but they can be.)
The upgrade from metrosexual is that the apparel you don don't define you. Rather, your ability to bench press an insurmountable number is pivotal. What these men don't seem to be miffed by is that they appreciate being objectified to their physical attributes because that's what woos women and themselves.
What I am miffed about is the normalization in homosexuality being acceptable in spornoexual routines.
The art of grooming is now longer allotted just to gay men, it is now appropriate for heterosexuals to consume this culture. Interesting, though, is that I've noticed a shift in that heterosexual men are becoming "feminine" while gay men are yearning for this ludicrous "masc" ideal.
So... Germany vs. Argentina/watching porn/posting a selfie while doing the aforementioned activities.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
If you're reading this, it means you are not at the Beyonce (and Jay Z, but who gives a shit about Jay Z) concert at the Rogers Centre. Or you are at the concert and you have a acute addiction to your smartphone that would require psychological aid.
Your soul just died.
A week ago from today, my friend's friend was selling Bey tickets sectioned in 520, which, would require military grade binoculars. I declined. While all my peers are joyfully dancing to Superpower, Love On Top, Drunk In Love, etc. I will be enjoying the concert vicariously with her visual album while concurrently doing miscellaneous activities to keep myself from crying.
Activities that you will be doing that your friend's at the Beyonce concert wish they did instead:
1. Watch the Human Planet documentary.
2. Watch the Human Planet documentary naked.
3. Take a break and masturbate.
4. Continue masturbating.
5. Make an Etsy account. (At this point you should be watching Yonce/Partition)
6. Rename your Etsy username.
7. Rewatch Jason Stackhouse and Eric Northman reach coitus.
9. Blog about how you wish you were at Beyonce, but not really. (BUT REALLY!!)
10. Google what Cheryl (Cole) has been up to.
I'm going to call it in early tonight.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Raising your democratic voice, sans shirt.
Let me tell you about the last and only time I ran through downtown Toronto half-naked. It was the summer of 2012, I was new to Toronto and I was employed part-time and paying $750 a month on rent. The harsh reality of an urban 20-something. Jogging is one of my favourite joys for endorphins and sometimes when running in Toronto, you need to take your fucking shirt off.
The only thing that catches my eye is Toronto's skyline, but for Joe Killoran, in brown shorts (they look like swim shorts) and black socks and sneakers, he seized the opportunity to engage in conversation with a mayor who's tainted pedigree includes the use of crack, corruption and a trip to KFC.
We want answers.
Shirtless protests to remove Mr. Ford from his position was inspired by Mr. Killoran. Here's a sartorial take on raising your concerns and utilizing your Nike Frees as a catalyst to raise your democratic voice.
Grab a group of model friends -- because everyone has a group of model friends -- and inform them that going shirtless with black joggers is their patriotic duty to set in motion that Canada is a friendly country. FRIENDLY! EH! Mayor Ford out!
What about taking the Francisco Lachowski route with white shorts adorned with one blue and one red stripe on each side. Cut a few inches above the knee to convey that you're serious about running and looking contemporary and that you're concrete on your left-wing political stance. Babe.
Try the brooding look. Not as effective, but the effort is present because of the choice of pattern.
Or just cause a tirade on Twitter.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Not just for Marc Jacobs. And not for everyone, either?
The thought has never went into consciousness that I would ever have the opportunity to wear something so unconstricted, so free flowing and it really is the catalyst to protecting your sperm. We're discussing the skirt because damn it, I'm bored of finite bottom alternatives.
A minor caveat before we begin, through research and observation and utilizing my critical analysis, is the skirt limited to who the wearer can be? Potentially. Think of Marc Jacobs, he's not necessarily feminine and neither is he necessarily masculine, but he looks masculine. He has a beard, he's covered in tattoos, he wears it with a form fitting shirt (the colours are quite muted), not a blouse and most often paired with chunky boots and if you're feeling extra fancy, a Birkin. Also, photo above.
What does this all account to?
For one to wear a skirt, the skirt should be structured, perhaps below the knee, of a somber colour picked off of any of Rick Owens runway and you might require a beard. If you can't grow a beard, I have a contingency plan because fuck the beard and just don your skirt anyway. Pair said structured skirt with a structured top, perhaps a jumper and while you're not limited to boots, a pair of oxfords do just fine.
Carry a Moleskin notebook to look important.
The skirt doesn't have to have a feminine connotation. Like how JT is taking back the night, we're taking back the skirt.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Nip slip ensues. Society calls gender police.
Women sure are lucky. In relation to style, exhibiting skin is socially acceptable, if not preferred, when designers are offering crop tops, booty shorts and even cut-out sandals. Men on the other hand are limited to shorts below the knee, banal t-shirts and sneakers all year round.
I want miscellaneous.
Browsing through men's spring 2015, something big is happening in men's fashion -- we're being exposed. Like, not buttoning your shirt exposed. Fascinating! Could this be the answer to crop tops, booty shorts and cut-out sandals? Maybe.
Look to Acne Studios on how to expose a vest, properly tie a jumper around your waist and I'm going to concede on how you can properly wear shorts below the knee. Marc by Marc Jacobs and Dries Van Noten feel exposed jackets are not only practical, but keep you well ventilated. As for MSGM, read: Acne.
It's going to rain tomorrow. Experiment.