Monday, March 10, 2014
Last summer, I was introduced to Le1f. The summer was sweltering and the New Balance sneaker trend was in full bloom. Wut was the track and shaking my ass was the game. (A scene you only want to see if you are willing to gouge your eyeballs after.) Le1f, how was that Ukrainian cutie sucking your muscles and do you still pour Evian?
The year is 2014, Russia is adamant on annexing Crimea (dumb) and Le1f is releasing his much hyped Hey EP on March 11. The cover: Le1f has stationed himself somewhere fabulous in Paris with his arm on his hip and staring into the abyss and he's sporting the dopest of dope orange knee-high socks. An homage to the 90's? Sure.
The EP, with a tracklist of 5 songs titled with one syllable words includes Wut. Eyeball gouging tools not included. You can stream the whole EP over at Pitchfork for your audible pleasure.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
As men are entering the fashion realm more aggressively, we're going to have new questions like, who wore it better? I'm glad you asked. Louis Vuitton's s/s 14 leather jacket made it to the March covers of Nylon Guys and Details. Who did wear it better? Is this even a question? I'm bored and these covers need analyzing, so why the hell not.
First, we have Norman Reedus, better known as Daryl Dixon, the red neck, crossbow zombie killing champion. So much testosterone. I don't like it when you drink, really. Your disposition went from reserved to a complete bro douchebag. You showcase a little chest hair, which, is a little sexy, but it appears you have bangs and I'm unsure if that is the best look for you. You pair it with what looks like a tank top and jeans, which give you a casual look, which is the Nylon Guys lifestyle.
Second, is Clement Chabernaud sharing the cover with two other models and when unfolded, a plethora of other male models. He's currently ranked #2 on models.com, just behind Sean O'Pry. His shoe size is a 9. Chabernaud casually relaxes his forearm on Garrett Neff's shoulder and bends his right leg a tad. This balances him out as relax next to two alpha male models, respectively.
In conclusion, I wish they peacocked the detailed graphic on the back.
Photos: Details Magazine & Nylon Guys
Monday, March 3, 2014
Cry anxiously until it goes away.
Lets say, a shirt, from American Apparel is made of 100% cotton and throwing the aforementioned item in the washer -- as instructed -- shouldn't be an issue. On the other hand, the above Givenchy t-shirt is as well, 100% cotton, albeit, more expensive, but instead, the care instructions prefer you to dry clean it instead.
What's the fucking difference?
They're both cotton, except one cost $610 and the other, $25. That added step of care, the dry cleaning, is giving you an illusion of luxury. The illusion that because you shelved out more dollars that this commodity has more value and therefore, should be cared for like your first born child. Should I be dry cleaning my AA shirt because it's 100% cotton too? The matter that you paid a fortune for juxtaposing prints, means that the extra cost of care is really a non-issue.
You are upper-middle class. You can afford to be frivolous and eat macarons on a whim.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Paris fashion week jumpstarted this week to Dries Van Noten delivering a psychedelic offering and I was confounded when Gisele Bundchen closed Balenciaga. Should we still be surprised given that she once closed Alexander Wang's fall 2012? Yes.
It's Saturday and the only news you should care about this weekend is why Giovanna Battaglia is sitting in the second row, behind Rihanna and Mel Ottenberg (we'll get back to that sexy silver fox in a moment). Rihanna, part-time designer, world superstar and professional Instagrammer -- is a influential person. Sure. Does she deserve the front-row? Shouldn't it be reserved for people like Battaglia, Wintour, Blanks, Fargo, et al, who do business with fashion.
Here's the gist, Rihanna embodies fashion, she's fucking internationally famous, she (Mel?) creates trends. Ergo, fedoras are making a comeback and Battaglia still still gets second row.
Mel Ottenberg is a fashion editor, Rihanna's stylist (famous people don't know how to dress, duh), gay, babe, gay babe and father to my unborn children. He has to be photographed in the shadow of Rihanna. UPSETTING. Style.com knows better than to just photograph Rihanna alone, Mel, fashion person, is the result of her Lanvin front row ensemble, and thus, must be photographed, too.
Mel knows his way around a fax machine. Nothing turns me on more than a man who knows who to operate dated office technology. Swoon.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Around some proverbial stone corner is some model-cum-my husband Spaniard sporting a plethora of rich dark colours. Amidst the deep navy's and the graves of black, there is saviour in white with subtle nuances in the above pieces. The last sentence sounded like white privilege coming to rescue the minority from purgatory. Or, yah know, just everyday life.
I have a psychological fear of wearing white in the matter that it always gets soiled. Ketchup likes to squirt where it pleases and dark chocolate blends into the garments. This year, 2014, the year that I turn 27, stark white is making a return to my wardrobe. I will also purchase a bottle of bleach as an incidental.
Zara's spring lookbook teaches us that head-to-toe white is so passe and that suggesting white in your outfit is here to galvanize itself. It's clean, but not sterile, it's trendy, but not too trendy and the way it juxtaposes itself between dressy and casual gives it a European cool. I NEED TO EMBODY THAT!
Gladiator sandals, just stealthily enter my credit card number without my permission.
Monday, February 24, 2014
The last two months of the polar vortex left me stationed inside my home and resulted in various indoor activities. I have been hand vacuuming lately, learning how to make banana bread and just recently I finished knitting a scarf. The aforementioned scarf put me in dept at $50. As a fledging newcomer to this sport designed for people living off their pension, and the hipster, I had to purchase needles, which cost me $15 and $35 for the yarn. I used natural fibres: 100% wool. None of that poly shit that gives you unwarranted rashes.
The design is relatively banal. Knit. Repeat.
Then, I got cogitating, what are the connotations surrounding select scarves. Is one more masculine than the other? Does wearing a scarf make you look more gay than your other male counterparts? Are McQueen silk scarves just for Nicole Richie? And what am I going to watch now that CNN cancelled Piers Morgan's show and will SNL create one last spoof?
This video by Pop Roulette, a satire (?), addresses the "gay scarf" with some animated rainbows discharged out of an asshole. I didn't really learn much, except that, gay scarves are preferably the infinity variety. They come in a variety of colours and prints and should be substantial enough to void your peripheral vision. Old Navy is dull and they just never fit right, of course. Urban Outfitters, the retailer offering occasionally offensive apparel is gay scarf friendly, is ideally where you should pick up your gay scarf.
The issue in the video isn't about gay scarves. It's the fact that you just lied to your grandmother.
Photo: Jak and Jil
Friday, February 21, 2014
I sometimes question why I terminated my science prospects so shortly after grade 10. It could have been maybe the fact that I couldn't memorize all the elements of the periodic table or that maybe science and I just were not symbiotic. After graduating high school, science was just as significantly far away as Papua New Guinea. Then came university and that fucking required group C elective that I needed to complete to graduate. I took a semi-easy route with a half-credit in Environmental Science and half-credit in Earth Rocks: Shaken and Stirred! I wasn't aware there were labs and Perry and labs are kind of like wearing something trendy and complaining about it.
My Earth Rocks prof. Dr. Osinksi was so, earth shattering (good pun?). Undeniable hot dad.
I had friends majoring in science and any form of dialogue in that field just didn't register. Unless, we are talking social science! What were we talking about in my undergrad, oh, KONY 2012! That shit went awry.
As a loyal consumer of science delivered pragmatically, (see: The Magic School Bus), I've come to understand arbitrary science facts via AsapSCIENCE and have utilized that information to amaze my layman friends. Did you see the video on hair loss? Man's worst socially constructed fear! It's linked to our masculinity, our youth, our ability to be alpha. Seriously, alpha? Hair loss is like equating it to impotence.
No one wants to fuck an impotent bald man.
The U of Guelph alumni's, Gregory Brown and Mitchell Moffitt have projected their love of science and artistic creativity onto YouTube. On one of my many procrastinating days, I clicked on their behind the scenes video to see the face behind the videos. Does anybody know the face behind Celine? Duh, Phoebe Philo. Brown and Moffitt are adorable trendy fuckers. Moffitt, look how skinny of a hipster he is; only hipsters button their shirts all the way to the top. E.g.: this guy, me.
What's the number one trend amongst science YouTube stars? New Balance sneakers. Ubiquitous amongst Torontonians for their stylish, yet affordable atheletic-cum-casual footwear. Perfect for walking to the closet to do voice recordings, and then leisurely heading to the drawing board and then, I don't know, perpetually clicking refresh on their YouTube videos to see how many views they've had?
What I am concluding is this, is there a science behind following fashion trends? Or at least explain to me how Alexander Wang emblazoned his name on his s/s 14 jumpers.